On work and life

A few days ago I spoke with a friend who wants to study medicine. He has a good job that pays more than he would earn as a junior doctor, but what he wants to do is medicine. I’ve always encouraged him because if there’s one thing I’ve always believed is that the only thing that helps you achieve what you want isn’t who you know or how smart, rich, or “lucky” you are, but how badly you want it. Now if my friend is prepared to sacrifice his good salary to go back to being a full-time student for four years and then getting paid less than he is earning now, then I guess he must really want it.

Eventually my friend got accepted into medical school. I say eventually because in the meantime it’s taken him a few attempts at a silly entrance exam, he’s spent money on further study, and his wife has given birth to their first child. It’s taken him some time but now he is actually able to proceed onto the job he really wants – but he hesitates. Why? Why would someone spend so much time and effort striving to achieve this thing that he’s wanted for so long and then hesitate? He told me “once you have a kid, that’s all you can think about”. He told me how he’s also made these other sacrifices in the meantime. He’s changed jobs to accept one where he makes less money than he was before but that allows him to be home more often. His wife has ceased to work to stay home and care for their child. And he is now hesitating on accepting what once seemed like his dream job. But he told me he himself had trouble understanding why he came to do all these things, but all he could think to say was that his child was his life.

I felt such great admiration for him because he had realised that the greatest job he’ll ever do is that of being a parent. That the one job that he is not dispensable or replaceable at is that of being himself: his daughter’s father, his wife’s husband, and his friends’ friend. At the end of the day our jobs pay the bills, and we aim to be satisfied with what we do so it doesn’t hurt us more than we benefit from it. One thing I realised some time ago also is that your job doesn’t keep you warm at night, it doesn’t cry when you’re away from it, and it definitely will never love you back no matter how much you may love it.