On language

Over the last few weeks I have become concerned with the question of “am I racist?” Now, I am someone who usually prides herself on being a very accepting and non-judgemental person. Really, I have in the past even being judged for being too accepting of others, treating members of society whose behaviour is considered less than moral as my equals. I can proudly say with all honesty that I have absolutely no qualms about treating patients from any background (ethnic, theocratic, nationality, sexuality, criminality, etc.). However, I am bothered by one thing that affects me on a daily basis: people talking in a language I don’t understand constantly in at a place I must attend every day. And so I ask myself, ‘What is wrong with me? Am I racist? Why does this bother me?’ And, you know, the potential answers scare me as they threaten what I think of myself as, my own identity as an open-minded person.

Interestingly, English is not my first language. I am a native Hispanic. So how could it bother me when people speak other languages I don’t understand in my presence? Well, one thing that has helped me understand exactly that (and that indeed I am not racist) is the fact that I speak two languages. See, when I am around people that similarly speak the two languages I speak and others who speak only one of those languages, I will choose to speak the language that is common to all persons present. Why? Because I think this is considerate and non-excluding of others. But what if I want to have a private conversation with someone else? Then I will go to a private place with this person and speak to them in whatever language is most suitable. I could switch to speaking to another language in the presence of people who don’t understand the language to have a “private” conversation with someone else, but isn’t that rude? Yes! To me it is. I consider it so. To me that is inconsiderate and treating the person who is present as if they were unworthy of my respect, acting as if they didn’t exist or weren’t in the room when I am talking with someone else. I would not speak to someone in Spanish to have a private conversation with them when I am surrounded by solely English-speaking peers.

So, am I racist? I don’t think so. Maybe I am sensitive and expect others to treat me how I treat others, with consideration and respect for their feelings. I don’t know. I do know I just don’t enjoy feeling excluded. And I certainly don’t enjoy being made to feel non-existent or unimportant in a group of my peers.