On teen suicide... and living

A few months ago when Declan Crouch, a 13 year old boy, went missing, his disappearance was likened to Daniel Morcombe’s. However, after some time it proved that the age of the boys and the fact that they were reported as missing persons may have been all they shared in similarity. The fate of both boys have become more clarified in the recent months and it’s not my intention here to rehash the news. But I do want to rehash a thought I once had on teenage suicide.

I read a book by Udo Grashoff called ‘Let me Finish’. It’s a copy of and study on a series of suicide letters. One of the interesting findings is that the suicide letters written by teenagers are the most mysterious, confusing, and give the least detail on motive. They're often very profound philosophically and spiritually. They list their motives not in terms of their personal struggles, but rather about the plight of humanity in general. For example, a child who is being bullied or is being subject to abuse from their carers actually rarely writes about their personal experience and their circumstance. Their suicide letters tend more to be filled with their insights into humanity, the negative aspects of our society in general, and they often conclude with a wish for us who remain alive to be well. To an external party looking at their case we may see a child who was suffering due to abuse and become so stressed that they choose to end it all. What the children themselves tell us is that it is not dissatisfaction with their own circumstance, but rather with our society and our world in general.

One of the things often said of suicide is that it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and in the case of adolescents you could even argue that their decisions are made on generalizations about the rest of the world based just on their personal negative experience of it in their microcosm, for the short time of their lives that they’ve had to experience it. However, having said that, isn’t it true that our world is, in fact, a lot like a typical adolescent’s microcosm? The ‘popular kids’ with money and power (corporate types and politicians) set the trend for the majority of us. The majority of us are here just to do what they’re meant to do to survive (the ‘working class’), and trying to behave so as not to piss off the popular kids or those in power, like our parents and teachers (law and government). And no-one really wants to get in trouble with these people (jail-time, fines, oppression, getting fired, etc.)! When teens suicide, we as adults think, 'but they have so much more to lose by dying', but it's almost as if they leave us saying 'we have so much more to gain via death'. And compared to more mature adults, their decision to die seem to be more definitive. They hesitate less.

Is there something adolescents see about our society that makes them so sure? Before I get onto that, I just want to acknowledge that we already know that the human brain’s prefrontal cortex, which is tasked with making our ‘mature’ and ‘rational’ decisions, isn’t fully developed until about the age of 21 years. Of course, people “mature” at different rates and it is said that females will reach this stage before males do. It is also not a yes-no type of separation between maturity and immaturity. Possibly since before the age of 2 years a child can make decisions based on preference (of colour, taste, texture), etc. Gradually, as a child matures, different aspects of a particular choice creeps into their decision-making process (e.g. immediate and long-term consequences, cost, effect on self and others). So what I am trying to say is that I acknowledge that an adolescent is not ‘fully mature’, but taking a look into their thought process is definitely worthwhile, especially given that a teen who suicides is making a very significant and conscious choice.

What, in signing off ‘I have so much more to gain via death’ does a teen aim to achieve? An older adult may see in the teen potential in terms of years of life remaining, in abilities that can be developed, and in knowledge to be gained. But it's almost as if the teen turns around and says, 'I can see where this is going and I'm not interested'. What exactly about our world are they seeing? I suggest that a teen may be rejecting a world they perceive as being unjust or incoherent. Now, I already mentioned that they may be overgeneralizing their particular situation to the whole of the future and the whole of society, but let’s pose for a second that they aren’t exaggerating in their perception. Let’s consider. for example, what the “adult world”, the “real” world is like.

As a child when I didn’t get my way, I cried and threw a tantrum. As I grew older I learnt to hold back the tears and the rage (things I instinctively want to do when I don’t get my way), to accept that things aren’t always going to go my way. Now I was considered mature. Yet the same reality was still true: I lost! As adults we always have a choice, though not all options necessarily produce equally ego-syntonic results: to accept things as they are, or to act so as to change them. The truth, however, is that most people live in stagnation, we get too used to accepting injustice; trying to change things is too hard. That’s the reality and cowardice a lot of people live/exist in. A lot of adults in our society become docile little cogwheels, indifferent, accepting of injustice (to ourselves and other human beings), dampening our true feelings and passions, working the jobs we have rather than the ones we want – always at the bequest of the ‘popular kids’ and in fear of punishment. How is that living? Really? What really is the difference in between an existence like that and death? I can see how to the teen this inaction may look remarkably close to death already.

And yet having said all this, you’d think I’d be petitioning for us all to suicide! In fact I’m petitioning that we all instead start living, deciding our own fates. Every revolution is fought by individuals, and we are all qualified. No-one ever asked permission to start a revolution. So why not start living as if we were actually alive?