When I was younger a psychologist once asked me why I always ended up in relationships with people who were 'unavailable'. Of course, she asked me this rhetorically to prompt me to reflect on the pattern of my relationships. She asked if I could remember the first time someone had made me feel like I was vying for their attention and yet I wasn't getting my emotional needs met consistently. Yes, how cliché, it was with my mother as a child! Now, what most people instinctively do when we find a source to our problems is it either 1) brings us comfort by allowing us to say "hey, it's not my fault I'm like this", or 2) we feel guilty that we are the way we are. The problem with blaming the past, though, is it's of no use to anyone if it doesn't force change.
If we feel guilt (which is an unpleasant emotion and thus makes for a great self-flagellation device), we come to believe that feeling guilty is exoneration enough for doing what we do. But if feeling guilty is ALL we do, we usually just continue to behave in the emotionally-immature coping patterns we're used to. It's not enough to feel guilty. It's not enough to wait passively for things to change. In real life, the poor little victim princess doesn't magically get rescued by a hero. In real life the princess needs to build up her strength, overcome her own past, and slay her own dragons in order for things to change for her. It's not a matter of 'good things happen to those that wait', but rather good things happen to those who make things change.
And what positive changes you have made in your life!! You are an amazing woman with so much to offer someone special, but most importantly, yourself. You are the Queen of Bloggers xx
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