On how to win at video games

I went through a phase several years ago where I was almost hooked on self-help, positive thinking, and motivational books. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I sought them out so much because as my default mood, I have for the majority of my life been quite the opposite of all that. It was very helpful and I honestly learnt a lot because, as I said, I am not someone who is instinctively looking for the positives in things.  But of late, my life has been – gratefully– very stable, and with it also my mood. I hadn’t thought about the “positive thinking” concepts I learnt about in a long time. I didn't need to. Then a few weeks ago I played a video game that reminded me of some important things I was forgetting.

You may have heard of Mortal Kombat, a fighting game known for its over-the-top cartoon-style violence and gore. This is one of my favourite games. The violence in these games is so cartoonish, I can’t help but find it comedic. These video games also suit other aspects of my personality, like my short attention span and direct-goal focus. You press some buttons, it has an immediate effect, you see immediate results. I don’t have the attention span for games that require you to do missions and tasks to achieve one main objective of the game’s storyline hours or days or weeks after you started the game. Anyhow, so let me tell you now about two instances where Mortal Kombat, of all things, reminded me of the important effect that perspective and determination/focus has on success.

In the first scenario, I was fighting against an opponent and the particular challenge of this match was to try to defeat him without being able to see my progress. You see, neither players’ health bars were visible. So, essentially, you have to try to defeat the opponent without knowing how well or how badly you’re fairing. The opponent was very very skilled and had powerful attacks. He defeated me twice and so easily. I thought to myself, ‘This is impossible. He's too good and I can’t even tell whether I’m winning or losing’. Then I remembered at this moment one of those positive thinking concepts: it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter whether I’m winning or “losing”, as long as I am giving it my best. If I do my best and I succeed, then that’s good. My current progress doesn’t matter; as long as I’m aiming to win, then I have a chance to actually do it. Because as long as I am aiming to win, then I am winning. I’ve said it many times before, no soldier in war dies a loser; everyone of them is a hero even if they die.

In the second instance I was fighting an even more powerful opponent. One little attack from this opponent and a big part of my character’s health bar got drained. And yet I could bash him with a series of attacks and it would barely touch his health. After he defeated me several times, I got very frustrated. And I got whingey too, and I did the thing we all do but that has absolutely no consequence on anything: I started to make excuses. ‘This is not fair! The opponent is too big and too powerful for any character to oppose him.’ I was so frustrated that I nearly quit the game. But I felt it wasn’t right for me to quit so close to defeating this series of competitors. So I gave myself a little self-talk that was more useful than the previous one I was giving myself. I said “He’s not beating you because he’s bigger or more powerful than you. He’s beating you because you’re focused on his strength and size, and not on your own skill.”

And that, friends, is how I play video games. And that is also why it was never a waste of time to learn about how changing our mental perspective can change our outcome in so so many areas of our lives, no matter how trivial (like playing video games) or real (it helped me one day overcome those depths of depression).

On how to make a coffee table

For a month now I’ve been feeling quite flat. On February, 2nd I finished work on a coffee table I’ve been working on since at least December 2015. I remember the date I finished because I was so very happy and relieved! Since then, though, I have been feeling quite flat – and I’ve only recently realised that my feeling of emptiness is entwined to that exact same feeling of accomplishment. I think for me it’s like the two slopes of a mountain where the summit is only a few steps wide: when I’m engaged and striving to finish something, my world is full of positivity and enthusiasm. When I reach my destination, I am absolutely ecstatic. But as soon as I’m done and the elation wears off, I feel completely void of any enthusiasm towards anything, and even the memory of any recent success won’t cheer me up.

When I realised this about myself, I wanted to do something positive with this knowledge. I asked someone else if they had noticed how flat I had been, and if it seemed to them like it happened after I finished the coffee table. The answer was a dishearteningly enthusiastic ‘Yes!’. Of course I had changed since I wasn’t running off to work on the next step of the project. So knowledge is power, right? (At least my Mortal Kombat video game had said it was). Motivated by wanting to change my feeling of apathy, I sought to find out if other people felt the same way I did. I sent a message to a woodworker I follow on YouTube and Facebook, The Wood Whisperer. He had just completed an absolutely beautiful bed and his feed was filled with photos of it and a very palpable sense of accomplishment. This is what I said, and his reply to me:

Keep busy. He wasn’t saying he had felt the same post-project (or post-completion) blues, but he was suggesting that perhaps he hadn’t because he always had another project lined up. And it makes sense, of course, he makes a living off woodworking too so there’s also the motivation to feed yourself and your family. With me and my blues, it was permeating everything. Woodworking makes me happy. Lego makes me happy too. A lot of things make me happy. Most days I don’t even mind my job either. But these post-woodworking project blues were eroding from so much of my life. I’ve been going to work half-enthusiastically. I haven't even finished building a Lego set I had been waiting to get for ages. I hadn’t even played the video game my coffee table was going to hold the parts for (Lego Dimensions – meaning that with the coffee table I brought 3 of my great loves together: Lego, woodworking, and video games). I’d been so flat and unenthusiastic generally.

More knowledge. How do I use this power now? I have to keep busy, it seems. But also I really want that buzz again, that motivation in my life, not just in woodworking. So the question to me was how do I get motivated again? Find a new project? I have lists and plans for many things I want to build but I’ve too flat to start on. Do I need more time or more money to do the projects I want? Well, yes, but that’s not the limiting factor if I’m honest with myself. The woodworking highlights it for me, but it’s not all its about. I’ve been ambivalent for some time, wondering: should I work more or should I work less?

Both paths have their advantages and disadvantages. If I work more I could theoretically make more money (I say in theory because the tax department doesn't like/allow such logic to be quite true). If I work less, then I can dedicate more time to woodworking or walking on the the beach or doing other things that make me happy...

Just a few days ago, an acquaintance who I felt had always tried to tell me that I should work more, made me really stop and realise that I have to decide quickly which way I will have it. She informed me that there’s an opportunity for me to work more, and that I should be happy about this because it meant I could make more money. However, in the strange twists that life has, she in turn made me remember something I have learnt from my patients. Life doesn’t wait on anyone; illness or misfortune doesn't come only when you're ready. Any day it could all end, regardless on whether you're just starting on any of life’s projects, or midway through, at the peak, or in the calm just after. It could all end, and what of your accomplishments will you be proud of? I know I wouldn't be satisfied if all I can list is I came to work on time, I worked hard, and I made money which is now in a bank and others will inherit when I’m gone. No, that wouldn't satisfy me. The memory of February 2nd, 2016 when I said to mum “it’s finished!” and proceeded to hug her because I was so happy that I built something myself from start to finish is so much more satisfying. I want more of those moments. I crave for more of that feeling.

For those who are interested, the coffee table was actually quite simple:
-Laminated radiata pine for all but the lid (non-laminated pine boards for the lid).
-Minwax oil-based walnut stain, then Minwax clear satin polyurethane to external sides.
-Inside drawer: Dulux oil-based primer; then Dulux semi-gloss vivid white enamel.
-Recycled tempered glass for the lid (came off a small glass side table).
-Recycled mirrored glass for the base of the drawer component (came off a discarded display cabinet).